It doesn’t take long to figure out that life doesn’t always go according to plan. We often create expectations for ourselves, our lives, and the people around us.
But then life comes, and it is altogether different than those expectations.
I’m not exactly sure what my expectations were regarding back surgery…..but I know now, that they weren’t entirely accurate. They didn’t take into account all the factors of the equation.
Eight children have come from this body. It has worked really hard and has faithfully carried these precious lives as they made their grand entrance into the world.
And, even though I noticed some significant changes in the way my body did things as time went by and each child came….for the most part, I was able to “bounce back” quickly and hop back in to real life. In many ways, pregnancy was hard for me, so having the baby in my arms was like a reset! I was ready to “get back” to…….
I guess that’s the problem. I had an expectation of my life and what it should look like and I was ready to get back to it after having a baby.
And that is where I’m experiencing the difficulty. Back surgery is not the same as having a baby. I guess, somewhere in my mind, I had a similar expectation. I was going to bounce back, and be back to what I *expected* life to look like.
But it’s not quite like that. I’m not “bouncing” as quickly as I’d like. Life doesn’t look as *normal* as I’d like.
But maybe that’s the point. Maybe this wasn’t so much about getting back to something as it was about fixing, or mending some things.
I’ve spent 41+ years telling my body to be quiet. Ignoring pain, exhaustion, and all signals of being overwhelmed.
But my path forward can’t be the same. I have to learn to listen to my body now—to honor all that it has done for me, and part of that honor means to listen.
So, even though I’m fighting against being discouraged and frustrated with my body….I’m fighting it.
I’m doing what I can, learning to listen, walking my steps, and trying to breathe. To slow down. To believe that God is with me and for me in each step, as well as each ache and pain. He is speaking to me, and using my body to do so. It’s funny—he is often telling me to do something that is natural, but overlooked.
Slow down, and breathe.
Breathe in grace for this moment. Whether I’m uncomfortable or feeling strong, breathe in the grace for that moment.
His grace is here and present for this moment and this breath. And what He has for me is better than my *expectations* anyway.❤️
The Need for Hope 