Jotham’s Journey is the first in a four part series of books meant to lead a family through the season of Advent with cliff-hanger stories all leading up to the birth of Jesus.
Our kids have loved each book in the series. We’ve been through the whole series several times and it’s something I look forward to every year—as do they! I love when we finish the reading each night and they beg for another part of the story, and I tell them, “No, this is exactly what this book is meant to do……cultivate anticipation!”
I will give a caveat….there’s some pretty serious peril and violence (think….a boy getting fingers cut off, kidnapping, etc.). But for our home, we are boy heavy, and also….we read the Bible and they are a bit accustomed to some amount of danger and peril.☺️😉
We have a fire going, and our little tree waiting to be adorned with ornaments of thankfulness and praise to God. This is one of my very favorite times of year.
I’ll leave you with this beautiful advent prayer:
“Stir us up, O Lord, to make ready for your only-begotten Son. May we be able to serve you with purity of soul through the coming of him who lives and reigns.”
Most Saturdays, we have “breakfast feast.” Pictured here is a more simple version—usually the case when Ben is working. We usually have pancakes or French Toast, some type of fruit or melon, and either goat cheese eggs, egg dish, or some other egg variation.
This meal is not only something we all look forward to, but it serves as an anchor for our day, and a little mini family meeting.
We talk about the chores that need to be done and divvy up jobs.
We also ask the question, “What are two things you hope to do today?” There’s almost always a request for seeing friends—made a little more difficult by covid and restrictions. And Saturdays are the days where the kids look forward to some electronic time. Sometimes that is the Wii, sometimes watching a show….if we have time today, it may be a Christmas movie. Sometimes it’s a fire and a story or audiobook.
Tonight we have company coming for dinner, so the chores are paired down a bit. They’ve been doing extra work since the day before Thanksgiving—which gave a great opportunity to chat about how when we do a little bit more everyday, it means less work on Saturdays.☺️
Sometimes we can get out for a hike, or a walk. We don’t usually go to the beach on the weekends and I don’t attempt the beach without Ben in this season. In other seasons I have….but not this one.
I love Saturdays. With possibility stretched out before us, I try to guard these days and keep them pretty open.
Yeah….so I didn’t get a picture of my lovely family on Thanksgiving. Ben was working, I was cooking. I DID change clothes and wear a dress….but because it was white (cream colored), I decided to eat with my apron on.
I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships. About people.
In this day and age, it is so easy to turn to Google for all that we need. I mean, just yesterday, I thought a hint of brightness/acidity would really take the gravy I made to the next level….so I had to quickly ask Google if adding lemon juice to the gravy made with almond milk would curdle it. Google is nice because you get quick answers that are often precise–exactly what you’re looking for right when you need it.
Relationships….those are messy. They don’t give you exactly what you are looking for right when you need it. But they give you something much deeper, much richer, and much more lasting. You see, when you ask a great cook if adding lemon juice to the gravy will make it curdle, they can recount stories of when they got it wrong and when they got it right. And each story carries the weight of experience…in which you may even discover secret ingredients that you haven’t thought of trying yet.
Every person carries a unique perspective, opinion, and experience. Many times it is different than your own. That can make it hard sometimes. Our opinions and our experiences convince us that for the most part, we are right.
This year, I’m thankful for the people–the relationships in my life that remind me of opinions, experiences, and perspectives. Even the ones that aren’t the same as mine. I may not get the quick and precise answers that Google gives, but in a world full of quarantine, I don’t want myself to lose the fact that every answer a search engine can tell me will still leave me coming up short because I was made for relationship and interaction.
I’m not saying that Google doesn’t have a place. I use it for many things. The challenge this year is to remember that every single person has a story–full of experience and beauty and pain. And while it is different than my story and my pain, when I’m willing to participate in–to hear the stories of others, my own life is enhanced and made more full. I have the privilege of learning from the lives of others.
Yesterday, I got a picture of a plate of food. Not the people I sat around eating it with. That’s a bummer because it’s the people that I want to remember! But when I really think about it….even the picture of the food is a reminder of the moments we shared together, the stories and conversations we exchanged, and it’s a daring declaration that we will once again feast and celebrate and exchange stories in the future.
Today, I’m so thankful for the people in my life. Of course, for *my* people, that I share my everyday with. For my family and close friends. For those that have gone before me who have stories that have included battles won and lost that have made our life better. I’m grateful for the people who are willing to share their stories with me. And I purpose, by God’s grace, to let the stories of those around me make me better at loving and understanding.
The view from the roof of the parking garage where my dad receives treatment in Santa Monica.
Last week, for the first time, I drove with my parents into Santa Monica where my dad receives his treatment in a clinical trial for liver cancer. My parents usually stay pretty close to home in our small town, and so as I drove into the “big city” with them, I was flooded with all sorts of emotions.
For the last year, my mom and dad have gone to these appointments on their own, my dad getting infusions and blood draws, sitting with doctors listening to their assessment of my dad’s situation, and after covid, my mom hanging out in the car by herself for long hours.
I’m so proud of them. I’m proud of how they walked bravely into facing these difficult and often exhausting situations. I’m proud of how they drove into unfamiliar territory and found parking garages and buildings and landmarks and ways to avoid the bus lane. I’m proud of how they’ve made friends with nurses and staff and doctors. I’m proud of how, despite these very difficult circumstances, and I’m sure some very long days, they’ve still supported each other and taken care of each other.
But even though I’m so proud of them, my heart hurt. I stepped into the doorway of the infusion room and tears came quickly to my eyes.
I know what it’s like. I know how it feels to be thrown into unfamiliar territory. To face a city far beyond your “comfort” level, and to just have to forge ahead. I know what it’s like to carve new habits, to feel constantly uncomfortable, and to be so tired that you feel it in your bones.
I was sad because I hadn’t been there with them. And God knows….it wasn’t my season. I was home with Andrew and the kids, and I wasn’t able to be there. Especially with covid, they probably wouldn’t have let me get very far anyway. But just to clarify, it’s not guilt that I feel for not being there–they’ve done a marvelous job handling these appointments.
No…it’s something entirely different.
It’s the feeling of grateful privilege that I got to be there last week and this week. My husband and my children have supported me, giving me the space to go with my parents. It’s the privilege of time spent with them. And it’s the privilege of beginning to understand more of what they have been through.
I think I feel the weight of it more because of our own journey with Elijah. I understand the difference it makes when people come alongside you and walk a journey with you–it keeps you from getting weary and giving up. I think of Joey, who always made time for us no matter what plans he had. I think of so many others like Margaret, familiar faces at the Ronald McDonald House, doctors and nurses, and so many friends and family members who whispered prayers on our behalf.
Sitting in the room with the doctors, or in the car with my mom….I think of how fast time flies, and how important these moments are. I recall how many times my mom came with me grocery shopping and showed me how having company and a good meal can make even difficult tasks a little more palatable.
In our time right now, there’s so. much. division. There’s many perspectives and urgent issues, and we as a nation are at a very important point in history.
But today I’m grateful for the reminder that it’s a privilege to understand a small part of someone else’s perspective and situation. Sometimes it comes at a great cost (like having walked through cancer with our son), the ability to understand or sympathize or have compassion. But it’s a great gift, and today I’m very thankful for it.
“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”
Proverbs 4:7
Emma took this photo of my dad this past year.Here’s my mom with Andrew, also taken by Emma. Obviously quite a few months back because Andrew was willing to be held for a moment. =P
For the last year or so, I’ve taken a “break” from social media. It’s been glorious. =).
But there were two main reasons why I started this blog. The first is just to document life. It goes by so, so fast. I know, “they” all tell you that it will go so fast, but nothing really prepares you for the feeling of how fast it does go. I told Ben (hubby) that it’s like Marco Polo on 2x speed when you look back over the years. You know, maybe they were actually doing the world a favor when they took away that feature! After all, in the crazy times we live in, I think slowing down to accommodate the season rather than trying to speed through it might be a better strategy (but that’s a whole different post unto its own). Anyway! This blog was my way of documenting our life. Having such a full and robust existence (aka, full of LOUD noises and various explosions of all kinds) means that I need to capture the moments–I can’t trust my mind to hold onto them all. And Emma (our oldest) has already admitted that she will sometimes go back through old blog entries and allow it to remind her of a time of life that she can’t always recall. I am so grateful for that.
The second reason why I really began writing in this space, especially after Elijah was diagnosed (you can read more about that journey, which started 5 1/2 years ago, HERE), was because God told me I needed an outlet. There would be ways He would speak, and move, and teach, and for what we were going through, there had to be a space where I would almost force myself to draw it out. It becomes real often by finding its way from my heart to the pages of this space.
So, for a very long time I have let things shake down and be stored up in my heart. I’ve been quiet. It was something I needed in order to process what was in front of me–in order to be present in the daily challenges we were facing. But the time has come.
So this is my new beginning. I can’t promise weekly, or even monthly updates because let’s face it….the *real* life I live keeps going, at what often seems like 2x speed. But it is my heart, my joy, and my pleasure, to share this space with anyone that wants to come along and to hear the things God is doing in the deep places of my heart and our home.
With that…..I will give an update and overview on where things are for us. And going forward, I hope to be sharing the things God has been teaching us!
Our two oldest children, Emma and Caleb, graduated high school in May–the first of our kids to graduate from our homeschool. Unfortunately, after some convincing to be part of the local group of homeschoolers graduating in 2020, all of their graduation efforts fell prey to covid. They handled the disappointment well, but it is something to grieve and process. Both Emma and Caleb will graduate Ventura College with their Associate’s Degrees next month. Both currently hold a 4.0 GPA, but the final grades for this last semester aren’t in yet, so don’t hold them to it. =P.
Emma has felt pretty burnt out on school, so she was really looking forward to a break from the Spring and Summer semesters in order to work and save up some money. She has applied to a few schools for Fall of 2021, and she won’t hear back for awhile. This gives her time to take a breath, enjoy the things she has already accomplished, and it also gives her a chance to explore some creative endeavors that she truly loves. Her current major is Psychology, but that is subject to change as she discovers more of who God made her to be. She is a bright and shining light in our home, so gifted in recognizing where help is needed and jumping right in. I can’t imagine life without her in our home, but I’m excited for her to have the time and space to actually experience more of what God has placed inside her. I’m a little bummed that covid makes travel more difficult–Ben and I had some big plans for a trip….or a study abroad program for her….but God knows, and He will bring about all of the right opportunities in His time.
Caleb did not want a break since he is planning on medical school after he finishes his Bachelor’s Degree. About 6 months ago, I just had a “feeling”, and I told him he should apply to Pepperdine. Unfortunately, the other schools he applied to did not offer entrance in the Spring, but Pepperdine did have that option. We got word this past week that he was accepted into Pepperdine….and that he was awarded the highest merit-based scholarship they offer. So, his tuition is totally covered, but not room and board. He has to decide about Pepperdine before he hears back from any of the other schools he applied to. For now, we are applying for all of the outside grants and scholarships we can find (as we have committed to not taking any loans), and for now, it’s looking like the students will not be on campus for the Spring, so if he decides to go ahead and attend, he has some more time to work on scholarships, or to just work and save up. Likewise, I just can’t imagine my daily life without Caleb. But I am very excited for this adventure, and for him to experience more of God and more of who God created him to be.
Noah is in high school, and we are slowly working on getting him ready to begin classes at the local junior college. He surprised me….being that he is very artistic…by telling me he wants to major in math!!! He’s about halfway through Algebra 2, and so the community college is a great resource for math and I’m very grateful!
Ezra is in junior high, and he had a large increase in his school work load this year. He and Noah are doing a worldview curriculum that I did with my older kids and I’m so excited for the opportunity to go through it with them as well.
Judah and Evelyn are in elementary school (Judah’s last year before “middle school”), and we are back in the Old Testament, Ancient Egypt history cycle. I forgot how much fun it is with younger ones–the pyramids and pharaohs…..it’s been great fun. I lightened up a little bit on them in regards to their school load and it’s made things much more manageable and enjoyable at home.
Elijah. I’m sure everyone is anxious for his update. =). Elijah is 5 1/2, and we just returned a few weeks ago from New York. For the first time ever (and trust me, it was close!), Elijah was able to do his eye exam to check for tumors WITHOUT anesthesia!!!! He has six tumors in his remaining eye–they are calcified, or “dead”, but they have to be watched to make sure that there isn’t any new growth. Unfortunately, one of those tumors is in a very difficult place to visualize, so it took a lot of work for his doctor to be able to see it enough to verify that there was not any growth. After much perseverance, and a lot of work on my part, the doctor was victorious and verified that there had been no growth!! AND all this without anesthesia. We are at about….six months since his last anesthesia and that is the longest break he has ever had in his life! We return to NYC in April next year (Lord willing), and we will see dermatology again in a year. There’s a spot in his scalp, in particular, that they are keeping an eye on. He is still having neuropathy in his hands and feet. We were down at CHLA at the beginning of the week and his appointment with neurology went very well. His new neurologist is a neuromuscular specialist and I am really grateful for her. Elijah had a much better exam than 6 months ago. They did decide to increase his medications again–he is on two different meds–but we do feel that maybe we are closer to having his symptoms managed. Elijah is in Kindergarten but is doing an excellent job reading, and writing Bible verses, as well as some math work.
And finally Andrew. Oh, I think everyone who is subjected to quarantine should have access to a baby. He truly has been a light and a joy during these “quiet” months, and he naturally brought the feeling of accomplishment as he progressed through those amazing milestones of the first year…..sitting up, crawling, walking, smiling, clapping hands, cooing, peek-a-boo….Not a day goes by when Andrew is not greeted by his “fan club”, with multiple offers of who gets to hold him and play with him.
Just over a year ago (right before I had Andrew), my dad was diagnosed with liver cancer. It had progressed beyond the point of resection or transplant. His only viable option was a clinical trial they are doing at UCLA, which is not meant to be a cure, but to be palliative. So far, he has had great success in many ways, as the size of his (multiple) tumors have shrunk and the doctors are very impressed with his results.
Ben continues his work in the oil field as an “essential worker”….Of course I knew he is essential, but I’m grateful for his job and our home and all that God has provided for us.
If you made it all the way through this update, congratulations! That was a feat! May you be blessed in your own new beginnings, whatever they may be. I’m so glad to share this space with you, and I look forward to sharing many more adventures ahead.
The Need for Hope 